New Mexico Mercury

Daddy Don Offers The Cure for Citizen Rage

As a diligent student of the great Donald Rumsfeld, I think because this human trash keeps getting in the way of APD bullets the best thing to do is to do the same thing we always do whenever whatever we do does not work, which is to say, we do the same thing all over again, but we spend more and more to accomplish the same result, which is a comforting big fat zero, but there is ever more money in the game, more and more profit potential.

“Cover the same old bases to cover your ass.  Gun ‘em down if they’re powerless and homeless, or they get in your way. ” That’s what Daddy Don used to say...

The New Game Changer!

Our avuncular mayor has just made a pronouncement of the most profound significance about the James Boyd incident, “It’s a game changer,” he said.

Relief flooded every sinew of my being when I heard that. The mental health and social services game in New Mexico is about to change. Because it’s just a game, see—

Big Government should be Big Business.  And then Little Government should be brought to its knees and then be beheaded, please. Companies should be running our schools, our social services, our mental health services. Efficiency. Efficiency. Efficiency...

Only the Sane Love Susana

One of the most solid and fubsy accomplishments of our dear Republican governor Susana Martinez—the systematic destruction of social services, especially mental health services, is a sterling monument to the wider fulfillment of human potential and ethical greatness of heart, the fulfillment of holy prophecy to shrink government, and the fulfillment of  divine law that each and every human should be identity chipped and examined as a potential profit center. Faulty chip sets must be eliminated. Anyone who hints “abnormal” must be destroyed...

Never Connect the Dots

One of the things I never do is connect the dots. I also never follow the money, or listen for the other shoe to drop. This warm and numb attitude has made me the happy-go-lucky guy I am, a guy with an unwavering smile on my face even while I sleep.

This morning, after waking with my ever-present grin, I even laughed a little when I learned about Fantase Public Schools. They have started a new program up there called Engage Fantase to recapture students who have dropped out of school because they were bored with the public kind of education...

Gary’s Underwear?

I put my underwear on backwards this morning, and that’s why I’m for Gary King in his race to become Marquis de Nuevo M against the current Marquesa, Susana Hanna. You don’t really need to hear more about my wardrobe mistake, but you must hear about Gary’s spine-tingling campaign. You see, Gary is just like his dad.

I remember Gary’s father, Bruce, cruising through the old UNM SUB in his cowboy hat, gray suit, bolo tie and $300 boots...

Let’s Do Welcome COPS

The TV show COPS has chosen to film right here in Bernalillo County. I am so excited and upbeat about this really great development for our city and county. I can’t for the life of me fathom why the mayor and other gov officials are pushing this great opportunity away, distancing themselves from COPS, because if there’s one thing we do well around here, it’s run away from the police. I have no idea why we run away from police around here, but we do, and fortunately that’s what COPS is all about—running away from the police...

There’s No Place Like Burque: Dimver Revisited

The esteemed journalist Wally Gordon has viciously attacked my blog scratchins about a place I call Dimver where I grew up and where, much to my utter disappointment, I spend every free waking hour of the day and night when I’m not in my beloved Burque.

Let me just say that Burque is as close to heaven as we get in this here life and that I love New Mexico to the point of abject drooling, but not so much Nuevo Colorado and certainly not so much  that place I call Dimver.

Case in point: look what happened to Dimver in the recent Superbowl...

Susana’s Other Grading System

Good morning Case 3520. We are here to discuss your uh differently abled son.

Can you stand a pleasant little surprise this morning? Good, because the Administration wishes to discuss some wonderful news with you, Case 3520, news that will doubtless change your life forever! I can see the excitement behind the tears in your narrow, beady eyes. Good...

Dimver—Report from Blandolandia

“Dimver,” that’s all how all seven surviving long-term residents of Colorado pronounce the capital city’s name.  I was born in Dimver. I grew up in Dimver.  All those Dimver years remain a blur to me. When I am in Dimver, even now, I never know who I am, or where I am, for that matter. What’s more, I don’t care. I have that Dimver attitude.

In an odd sense the identity problems that plagued the good old Dimver Days when I was a total amnesiac kid still haunt the Queen City of the Plains.  Dimver wants to be somewhere rather than stuck out on what used to be plains and grasslands before it was a contiguous Wal-Mart and IKEA complex...

Mannyism

If you are a Manny, you probably won’t like what I am about to say one damn bit because it’s the Mannys of this world that are spoiling it all for everyone else. In fact, it is the very name Manny that is the probable suspect cause for all misery in the Universe, to say nothing of good ol’ NM.

During 2012 in the United States, the name Manny ranked 2044 in popular baby names. Compared to Bill, say, which is wildly popular, the name Manny has experienced a plummeting decline that could be graphically compared to the collapse of the NYSE in 2008, and it’s no wonder why the name Manny is going to the dogs...