The esteemed journalist Wally Gordon has viciously attacked my blog scratchins about a place I call Dimver where I grew up and where, much to my utter disappointment, I spend every free waking hour of the day and night when I’m not in my beloved Burque.
Let me just say that Burque is as close to heaven as we get in this here life and that I love New Mexico to the point of abject drooling, but not so much Nuevo Colorado and certainly not so much that place I call Dimver.
Case in point: look what happened to Dimver in the recent Superbowl. I’m not referring so much to the game, which was a horrid piece of football on Dimver’s part. I am referring to the green chile issue. If you don’t know what this is all about, let me reveal to you the sad inner truth—
Dimver tried to steal New Mexico’s state veggie and in the event they lost to Seattle, the Dimver Briquettes promised to send a bunch of Colorado green chile up to Seattle. Well. Dimver lost, and boy did they. As Peyton Manning looked numbly frustrated, as he yelled “Omaha,” he was really thinking about the green chile ripoff the city of Dimver had just pulled by thieving our state fruit and claiming it as a Dimver invention.
Peyton was already packing up the green and sending it up to Seattle for the Seahawks to devour thinking green chile is a Dimver thing, when, as we all know, dammit, green chile is the soul of New Mexico, the heart of our own dear Burque, the place where I grovel on down and kiss the beloved New Mexico earth, holy mother of the Green Chile God.
How can you possibly defend a city that purloins New Mexico’s identity plant and claims it as their own? Why, no one in Colorado, let alone Dimver, knows a fig about chile. How can you, in all good conscience like Dimver and all those smiling Dimverites who maybe today are weeping because the Dimver Briquettes not only lost the Superbowl? They were slaughtered by the Hawks, and now they are going to have to bite the bullet and send all that chile up to Seattle, lying all the while, boasting that green and red are old timey Colorado passions.
I’ll admit, I myself wept, as I recalled those ancient Denver QBs, Craig Morton and John Elway who also lost the Superbowl. So there, Mr. Wally “They-Can-Steal-Our-Chile-All-They-Want” Gordon. You go ahead and defend Dimver till you turn green or red in the face just because you have a good time up there in Blandolandia, you lived there, and you got married there and all.
As for me, there’s no place like Burque, and there is not a single solitary soul up there in Nuevo Colo. who knows a boop about what chile is or how they are supposed to utilize it. Probably those Blandolandians want to roll that green or red up in a chunk of newspaper and torch it up for a toke. I can’t say. What I do know is that Burque is the center of this blinkin universe. We may not have a Superbowl team, and we may not have a ton of dough or an economy or an education system, but by gory, we don’t swipe people’s sacred vegetables and send them away to foreign places claiming the veggies are part of our heritage.
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