New Mexico Mercury

Governor’s terrible indiscretion revealed

The scandal has gone on almost a year. Gov. Martinez and her super minions in state government were exchanging state business, but doing so in private e-mail apparently to avoid public scrutiny.

Just recently Attorney General Gary King, who will run against Martinez in the upcoming gubernatorial election, seized these communications. And guess what: a hideous breach of trust has been revealed in one of the gov’s communications. Yes, Susana Martinez has been caught red-handed e-mail ordering undergarments from some Internet purveyor...

Big foot and the tea party

New Mexico paranormal investigator, journalist and filmmaker Tony Della Flora has heat-imaging evidence Big Foot has been hanging around in the Valles Caldera. Not many people know this, but Sasquatch is the Grand Poobah for New Mexico’s Tea Party and he’s really pissed off. It seems the IRS has been asking a lot of vague questions about the NM Tea Party re. their 501 (c) (4) status.

Big Foot and his Tea Party friends want to edumuhcate New Mexicans about their ideas that are anti-government, anti-tax, anti-Obama, anti-immigration, anti-econ. stimulus, and anti-16th and 17th amendment. New Mexico’s Tea party wants to audit every family in New Mexico for constitutionality and purity. That’s why they can’t understand why the IRS wants to audit them about their non-profit status.

Dan Foley for Gov.

Former New Mexico state rep. Dan Foley has been getting a lot of ink lately. He’s the tall, handsome guy who has appeared every week for just about forever as a conservative policy wonk on Gene Grant’s KNME TV show, New Mexico in Focus. Because of his superior wisdom and insight, Dan Foley consistently hits the nail on the head, so I always prick up my ears when Big Dan lets another brilliant and poignant pearl of wisdom fall from his lips about the insider maneuvering in New Mexico’s amazingly great state legislature...

Obama phone

One of the best ideas since sliced bread was the Sequester. This wonderful piece of non-legislation is destroying a whole lot of people who can’t be seen.  We should be thankful for that. These invisibles are mostly drooling kids who just won’t get Headstart and senile elderly people who will just see their benefits slashed or Meals on Wheels taken away. Big deal. So what? I for one am deeply glad I can’t see these subhuman types and I can’t hear their stupid and silent screams...

Don’t fall behind

Hi, welcome to your new corporate University of New Mexico orientation and advisement. This is your first semester. You should be excited!  Your grade of C+ earned at a certified New Mexico high school has won you the right to pursue a college education. Oh boy.

Because you work thirty hours a week at Chic Fila, and you have to take care of your aging grandfather for twenty hours a week, we want to be sensitive to your schedule needs. This is why we recommend for your first year that you take eighteen hours each semester.

Kush and Cornelius

I just can’t understand why people get so worked up over a couple of harmless little old jokes. Of course I’m referring to those good old peckerwood exemplars of uproarious hilarity Steve Kush, now suspended director of Bernalillo County Republicans and Bob Cornelius, former GOP county director.

During Tuesday night’s Bernalillo Country commission meeting as Working America’s director Chelsey Evans was about to testify in favor of raising the minimum wage, Kush was busy tap, tap, tapping away at his Facebook account about Chelsey’s nice boots. Kush had already twittered that a previous Working America representative was a “radical bitch.”

Love dem hogs

Why do we always think someone from somewhere else, some magic someone with money and jobs has the solution for our economic problems?

Perhaps if we can just concoct the right inducements and incentives, even though we’re in a 50,000-year drought cycle, and even though we’re one of the poorest and least educated states in the union, if only we can throw the right tax incentives and benizens at such folk, they will just roll over and begin to smile on us, dispense their largesse, and New Mexico will be a blessed and golden land.

Latest Alford deal

Steve Alford is getting sick and tired of the little million dollar petty grievance that the University of New Mexico holds against our former wonderful basketball coach for leaving UNM in the lurch, so last night Alford said he’s just going to buy UNM. That should put a halt to University’s futzing around with his lordship...

Governor to remodel roundhouse

Excited by all the great response to the gov.’s $100,000 taxpayer-funded remodel of the state mansion kitchen, Susana Martinez has decided to turn the Roundhouse into the Legislative Kitchen.

“There’s nothing like food to draw people together,” Martinez said. The first gentleman also wants to come down from the gov’s office to the floor of the Roundhouse in his jammies and slippers to have a fresh bowl of popcorn any time he wants without having to go all the way back to the mansion for goodies...

In defense of Hannah

New Mexico Education Secretary designate Hannah Skandera is the only education secretary in our state’s history not to be confirmed by the state legislature.

Skandera created a grading system for public schools that will be used to evaluate teacher performance. The scheme is so complex and whimsical that no one can follow it.