We’re Number One!

January 28, 2015

Voices, Politics / Current Events

The affluent and prosperous First World United States where everybody regardless of color or creed can get stinking rich proudly records more kids needing food assistance than any other civilized country except… Romania.

New Mexico, since we’re by most measures second poorest state in the U.S., does the United States proud. We here in NM in every way equal Romania. We are tied for number one! New Mexico and Romania have more starving children than anyplace where there’s a Walmart, except Romania doesn’t have a marketing tzar to head its skeletal child welfare services. We do!

We want to improve the image of New Mexico’s starving skeletal kids. Soon they will grow up to be old enough to be shot by the police, but only if they are lucky enough to be here in good ol’ Burque and only if they are fortunate enough to be mentally ill, or homeless, or both. Here again, Romania can’t top us.

We are number one.  Albuquerque, and our city’s friendly and bland mayor have been so hard at work establishing our reputation for cop killings that the vaunted New Yorker has a whole new feature in the latest issue reflecting back to us that we are not just known for Breaking Bad, that we here in Albuquerque are worthy of some attention not just because of some ol tv show, or starving kids.

No, we are famous because we are corrupt, just as corrupt as Romania, in fact, and that makes us damn interesting to clean innocents who come sniffing around here from spruced up places like New York City to make scads of money writing about how the Albuquerque Police is really just a club for hunting defective humans and that the cops are trying to frame the D.A., and all such like.  That’s what’s so keeno about swooping down from the sky to rake our muck and quickly departing back to the East Coast and all that wonder-filled snow—you don’t even have to pay Gross Receipts Tax for profiting from our peccadillos.


(Image derived from photo by lucianf / CC)

This piece was written by:

James Burbank's photo

James Burbank

James Burbank has written and published over 200 articles for regional and national publications such as Reuters International News Service, The World & I Magazine, National Catholic Reporter, Farmer’s Almanac, Los Angeles Herald Examiner, La Opinion, New Mexico Magazine, Albuquerque Journal, Albuquerque Tribune. He is author of Retirement New Mexico, the best selling book published by New Mexico Magazine Press, now in its third edition. He is also author of Vanishing Lobo: the Mexican Wolf in the Southwest, published by Johnson Books.

As a professional writing consultant, he has written and edited publications, video and radio scripts, annual reports, and investment information for a wide variety of corporate clients. A Lecturer II for the Department of English, Burbank has specialized in teaching technical writing and professional writing. His interests extend from composition and writing theory to environmental and nature writing. He has played a leadership role in developing and implementing the English Department’s teaching mentorship program.

Contact James Burbank

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