U.S. Bank has just given the University of New Mexico $1.7 Million to buy luxury seating areas in the University’s sports complexes, so one percenters can sit on their fat butts, suck down their beer, and root for the Lobos. The “donation,” “bribe,” “payoff,” or whatever you call it is the brainchild of UNM athletic mastermind Craul Pebs.
“Screw education,” said Pebs, “We got dough, and that’s what counts!” He cited the recent national trends that suggest most publicly funded universities will be pushing hotdogs in their own athletic complexes by 2016 to support academic programs starved to death by Tea Party legislators who believe higher education teaches people how to think, and if that isn’t dangerous, what is?
“We had hoped for more money, but you know how bankers are, ” said crestfallen UNM Prez Frog Flank.
The biggest single gift ever given to UNM athletics, a portion of the million-dollar download will go to supporting the Athletic Department legal defense fund, a slushfund for some really hot parties to which you common scum will not be invited.
The fund will also pay bonds and attorney’s fees for the inevitable arrest and persecution of our spotless sports heroes as a result of the absolutely false date rape charges trumped up as usual by that weird crew of girls over at the Women’s Resource Center. Can you believe those female trouble makers actually wanted to educate UNM students about that ugly, awful sex stuff. That’s not wholesome, not like watching football, getting blind schnockered, and beating up those sick puppies who aren’t Lobo fans during the tailgate party.
(Photos: Lobo statue by Chris Palmer, money by Philip Taylor / CC)
Responses to “U.S. Bank’s Wonderful Gift to UNM”