New Mexico Mercury

Reinhold Reince Priebus is really pissed off. The Grand Poobah of the Republican Party, Priebus doesn’t like it that CBS and CNN plan to air specials on former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Reince is very angry because these shows are really advertising for Hillary’s presidential campaign that she hasn’t announced yet. Reince has decided to take his football and go home. He’s been blubbering that the Republicans should refuse to air their scintillating presidential campaign debates on either network unless the media giants drop their plans to fete Hillary.

Priebus says that Republicans will hold their debates inside a hermetically sealed tin can in a wastebasket of the presidential suite at the Waldorf Astoria. There will be guards, many of them, all prepared by the National Rifle Association to shoot and kill anyone who so overcomes boredom and makes a half-hearted attempt to witness the proceedings.

Reinhold Reince has done a great job getting Republican money donors comfortable after Michael Steele, Reince’s predecessor, used the party treasury to play thousands of highly unsavory games of miniature golf in disputed congressional districts. The big wheels pulled in their horns until Reince began to woo them back in the fold.

Priebus is also rumored to have planned to have thought of asking if New Mexico fictional Secretary of Education Hanna Scamdera likes miniature golf.

Hanna is said to have expressed interest in only one game: the acronym money game. Hanna is a great friend of Jeb Bush. She  only has eyes for her good buddy FEE; this is an organization that wants to charge every student a FEE to attend free public schools. This marvelous new program masked under the Foundation for Excellence in Education (FEE) plans to help Hanna’s hungry business buddies by offering them a piece of the education pie.  FEE also came up with an idea that Hanna has been pushing really hard; evaluating teachers based on the performance of anonymous peoples’ children located in certain “black box” countries.

Some critics say FEE gets all his ideas from ALEC, and that ALEC is a shadow personality and alter ego of Susana Martinez.  By stealth ALEC has over a period of years snuck in through the Dept. of Health basement window and mixed things up with an old fashioned hand egg beater that no one can see hidden in ALEC’s capacious raincoat. This factoid is totally false because ALEC is bigger than just Susana. ALEC is sneaking around trying to privatize everything in a number of states, states whose legislators don’t have any ideas of their own. They can take ALEC’s ideas for absolutely free. That way they will have more time, energy, and money to campaign.