Here’s a synopsis of the latest hot monster film soon to be shot in New Mexico starring Bob Odenkirk as Suzilla the Great—
Not to worry about the thousand-year drought, not to worry about cratering employment, not to worry about all the cop murders, not to worry about the starving, underachieving kids—Remember, the kingdom of New Whazzits is run by Suzilla the Great who eats citizens.
Like all monsters, Suzilla sees things in black and white. Are you edible?
And here’s the danger: Suzilla is the proverbial troll in sheep’s clothing. Some of the sheep portrayed on the Bernalillo County Seal see Suzilla pretending to graze off in the corner smiling all the while at the other sheep.
“Surely Suzilla has our best interests in mind,” they say.
Suddenly Suzilla throws off her sheep’s mantle and grows into a huge lumbering scaly, reptilian creature that starts gobbling up all the little lambs, a ravenous monster with a strange money-green powder beneath its nostrils.
“Forget you ever saw that,” Suzilla intones in the voice of Bob Odenkirk.
In addition to klutzing around destroying state social services, mucking up education with her clawed tootsies, paralyzing health services with her burning-foul breath, Suzilla has a Koch problem, an addiction to big-dough politics enabled by the very doughy looking Koch boys who keep stuffing money into the gaping Suzilla maw, powdered moulah up the gaping Suzilla nostrils.
Salad is not enough though, dough snorting is not enough; only red meat and starving government to death will do.
“I only eat the weak, the helpless, the insane, the old, the poor, and those who are slow running away,” smiles Suzilla, “The rest I just charge an ever-increasing reasonable fee to make up for reduced government services.”
Now Suzilla comes again to the voters of New Mexico cloaked in her sheep’s cape asking for everyone’s vote. I think Bob Odenkirk is just right as Suzilla, don’t you? I’m shivering in my boots thinking how truly scary this is.
(Original photo by Sebastian Dooris)
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