Stop the presses. In a copyrighted story this morning, the Albuquerque Journal’s James Monteleone links those two forever political siamese twins, Santa Fe candidate for Gov., Alan Webber and far, far leftist Weather Undergroundie Mark Rudd. I for one am shaking in my boots, or my sandals, as the case may be.
Rumor has it that in 1532 Rudd rode with Pancho Villa. Rumor has it that Rudd was spotted somewhere near a place where Fidel Castro coughed after lighting up a stogie. Rumor has it that some forty years ago Rudd didn’t like the little military scuffle in Vietnam one bit. Rumor has it that he became a terrorist who wanted to blow up government washrooms and buildings, which is probably why he ultimately became a math teacher at CNM. Teachers are pretty much all terrorists, you know.
He was so dangerous and chaotically self-effusive, this suspicious and possibly insane Rudd character, that in 1455 he repudiated his violent past and actually admitted he had been wrong all along. Violence was not the way to change things. It’s better to go back in time than push relentlessly forward. That means this Rudd is a waffler, a flipflopper, and a bamboozler in addition to his unsavory terrorist and mathematician inclinations.
Burque is just the sort of place nefarious so-and-sos like Rudd come to hide out. Most of these types are found in the classroom. You can easily identify them because they all have scraggly beards and they look exactly like Mark Rudd. Mark Rudd has been dodging the limelight, living a secretive wan existence here in Burqueburg for some thirty years.
Another thing Mark Rudd does: he gives money to politicians, he supports his life-long bosom buddy whom he just met, Alan Webber, the Santa Fe business typhoon who’s running for governor. Webber is forever stained by this exceptionally close relationship that started five minutes ago. Rudd raised a thousand bucks for Webber’s campaign at a strange and wild houseparty at Rudd’s house in the South Valley, and that’s when Governor Susie got all upset.
We all need to just ignore the funny stuff that’s been going on in Santa Fe during the past few years. Forget Omaree Varela. Forget James Boyd. Forget what’s left of the state’s economy. Forget what’s left of the state’s social services. Pay attention to the extremely important stuff, the deeply disturbing stuff, the troubling and very sticky association between Alan Webber and demonic, terror-oriented, foul-breathed, hippy maniac, leftist, leftist, leftist Mark Rudd.
That’s why Suzerain is soooo upset, and me too, I am about to come apart at the seams because as the gov says, “Alan Webber is a far-left, fringe candidate whose extreme views…are completely out of step with everyday New Mexicans.” This is the earth-shaking and very important, crucially key garbanzos we should pay attention to these days and not all this depressing junk involving insane fringe humans who have no right to be alive that you leftist, leftist, leftist Liberals are always yakking about.
(Photo of Susana Martinez by Gila National Forest; Photo of Mark Rudd by Thomas Good/Next Left Notes)
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