We know for sure education consists of giving tests to children in order to prepare them for the rigors of life in this complex era. The undesignated Queen of Education in New Mexico, Hanna La Skandera wants to come up with a single test that might not only be the summative evaluation of each and every kid, no matter what age, no matter what cultural background, no matter what language, no matter what economic status, no matter what family situation. Don’t worry about a thing. The Great Exam will take care of everything that’s anything worth knowing, and also through the performance on the Great Test of each and every kid, we can evaluate each and every teacher out of the system. Halleluiah!
“We don’t need teachers,” says Hanna Montana, who is looking rather like the Queen of Hearts, and who has never for a single day taught in the classroom. “Computers and corporate distance learning centers can prepare the child units, administer the Great Test, and prove to be handsome profit centers for a few of our private sector friends. ” Amen.
Through great joy in learning and teaching, I decided I wanted to see just how prepared for life my university grammar class was, given the fact many of these Sophomore and Junior students are products of APS. No, they hadn’t been subjected to the Great Exam, but they say most of their schooling has been one long preparation for grade level proficiency test after proficiency test.
They are a good group, willing to take a trip through the forests of Grammarlandia for a semester, even though only about a fourth of them have ever studied grammar. About three quarters of them want to earn their Language Arts Certifications and become public school teachers.
During the class we were discussing an essay advocating teaching rhetorical grammar skills, so students can recognize, analyze, and reject demagoguery and embrace instead democracy and the open contest of ideas. This might be kind of important in the context of preparing students to be citizens, I argued.
“Who knows who Joseph McCarthy was?” I asked.
No one raised a hand. There was a sea of blank faces. And silence. I was stunned. These kids had not been taught the most basic reference points in our cultural landscape. Not only did many of them not know grammar, but also they hadn’t the tools for the most elementary critical thinking about a key danger that continuously threatens the democratic enterprise. “It’s not your fault, you don’t know,” I said.
Then a kid waved his hand around, “You’re condescending to us,” he shouted. I asked him what his major was, and he responded that it was American History.
After repeating that it was not his fault he didn’t know who McCarthy was, I gave them a little context by talking about the House Un-American Activities Committee (HUAC), how McCarthy had destroyed many people’s lives by waving a piece of paper around saying he had a list of known Communists and then hauling folks in front of the committee and tearing apart their reputations. I compared McCarthy in appearance and manner to Ted Cruz, but then no one knew who Ted Cruz was either.
After class a few of the students came up to the front of the classroom. They said that because they were always preparing for proficiency tests in school, they never got past the Civil War in American History. All through high school American History always ended in the late 1860s. There was never enough time for the curriculum. It was always just test, test, test.
It’s really easy to see why teachers are a contended lot these days, because soon we will be able to spend our waking hours preparing our charges for the glories of the Great Test. Soon we will all be replaced by machines anyway. Life will be a lot simpler then. We all will have fewer questions, but we will always have the right answers. We will also know that everything is on the Test. If it’s not on the Test, it doesn’t exist, just like Joseph McCarthy who has been sucked down the memory hole during the beautiful, good, and true educational design for ignorance that will protect us forever from reality. I am deeply joyful for the glorious Queen Hanna and for the wonders and simplicity of the Great Exam and the coming new era in our systematic de-education. Until that sacred day, however, I urge my grammar students to prepare for the upcoming chapter exam, I smile to myself and quietly whisper Joseph McCarthy’s name over and over.
(Test photo by Alberto G.)
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