Are you for James Baird for County Sheriff? God is for James Baird, and if you are anywhere near being a sane, decent, upstanding, thoughtful, God-fearing human being, you will be too. You see, here in Legacy County we all know God favors certain candidates.
He’s up there in the sky marking His ballot even now. You will receive by divine agency a pre-marked ballot showing God’s actual highlighting, his revealed choices in upcoming county and state races.
Don’t worry. They’re all Republicans. God is, after all, a dyed-in-the-wool Conservative whose chief preoccupation is meddling in political affairs, supporting His chosen sports teams, advertising for certain God-preferred businesses, or making some select chosen individuals filthy rich.
Mind you, you are free of course to make your own decisions. God prefers these candidates. I’m just saying. If you chose differently from God, I guess you know what that means?
Reverend Steven Motherslam, his great holiness, thankfully speaks for God. As God’s Exclusive Representative on this sinful earth, he will tell you more about what your political beliefs must be.
He will also describe in some telling, vivid detail the torments of hell. Maybe you’ll end up down there one day with the rest of the filthy liberal scum.
I’m just saying.
Don’t forget to vote!
(“I Voted” image by Brett Neilson / CC)
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