God Picks Candidates in This Here Legacy County, Bro

November 03, 2014

Voices, Politics / Current Events

Are you for James Baird for County Sheriff?  God is for James Baird, and if you are anywhere near being a sane, decent, upstanding, thoughtful, God-fearing human being, you will be too. You see, here in Legacy County we all know God favors certain candidates.

He’s up there in the sky marking His ballot even now. You will receive by divine agency a pre-marked ballot showing God’s actual highlighting, his revealed choices in upcoming county and state races.

Don’t worry.  They’re all Republicans. God is, after all, a dyed-in-the-wool Conservative whose chief preoccupation is meddling in political affairs, supporting His chosen sports teams, advertising for certain God-preferred businesses, or making some select chosen individuals filthy rich.

Mind you, you are free of course to make your own decisions.  God prefers these candidates. I’m just saying. If you chose differently from God, I guess you know what that means?

Reverend Steven Motherslam, his great holiness, thankfully speaks for God. As God’s Exclusive Representative on this sinful earth, he will tell you more about what your political beliefs must be.

He will also describe in some telling, vivid detail the torments of hell. Maybe you’ll end up down there one day with the rest of the filthy liberal scum.

I’m just saying.

Don’t forget to vote!

 

(“I Voted” image by Brett Neilson / CC)




This piece was written by:

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James Burbank

James Burbank has written and published over 200 articles for regional and national publications such as Reuters International News Service, The World & I Magazine, National Catholic Reporter, Farmer’s Almanac, Los Angeles Herald Examiner, La Opinion, New Mexico Magazine, Albuquerque Journal, Albuquerque Tribune. He is author of Retirement New Mexico, the best selling book published by New Mexico Magazine Press, now in its third edition. He is also author of Vanishing Lobo: the Mexican Wolf in the Southwest, published by Johnson Books.

As a professional writing consultant, he has written and edited publications, video and radio scripts, annual reports, and investment information for a wide variety of corporate clients. A Lecturer II for the Department of English, Burbank has specialized in teaching technical writing and professional writing. His interests extend from composition and writing theory to environmental and nature writing. He has played a leadership role in developing and implementing the English Department’s teaching mentorship program.


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