Dodgy Art Bar Finally Shuttered

All of us who are educated to Susana New Mexico standards and who have proudly displayed our third grade reading proficiency certificates know that art is exceptionally dangerous. We should avoid ahtsy fahtsie and those who create it as much as is humanly possible. That means on seeing a known artist, one should smile politely, lower one’s head, and without dispatch, cross to the other side of the street.

Think, if you will then, how really menacing and perilous art is when mixed with demon rum.

For some time now in a shady area of downtown Burque, groups of artists and their supporters and running dogs have gathered to imbibe together at a seamy private club called the Artbar. To make matters handwringly worse, profits from this nasty Artbar actually went to benefit the arts, so these degenerates can proliferate more graven images that defy the will of the One Who Must Be Obeyed. 

Thank God everyone at the state liquor and licensing division has third grade reading certificates, and is thereby educated under New Mexico law.  Now, because of their reading skills, Susana’s booze cops have put a stop to this non-profit bar. Folks at the agency said they would love to have an Artbar, but laws must be obeyed. You see, a calendar listing about Artbar appeared in the Alibi, and that means you know what. Exactly! The Artbar was engaged in heinous, bigtime, Madmen advertising, and therefore, like the social degenerates they are, the Artbar was breaking the law.

Naturally, the Artbar types made the outlandish claim that they were being harrassed because of this and other efforts to reign in their art impulses by Susana’s liquor prosecutors. Rather than face more scrutiny, the Artbar decided to close. It’s just another good old nail in the coffin of deviance, I say. Do these artist types have their third grade reading proficiency certificates proudly displayed in a clearly visible location, I wonder?




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James Burbank

James Burbank has written and published over 200 articles for regional and national publications such as Reuters International News Service, The World & I Magazine, National Catholic Reporter, Farmer’s Almanac, Los Angeles Herald Examiner, La Opinion, New Mexico Magazine, Albuquerque Journal, Albuquerque Tribune. He is author of Retirement New Mexico, the best selling book published by New Mexico Magazine Press, now in its third edition. He is also author of Vanishing Lobo: the Mexican Wolf in the Southwest, published by Johnson Books.

As a professional writing consultant, he has written and edited publications, video and radio scripts, annual reports, and investment information for a wide variety of corporate clients. A Lecturer II for the Department of English, Burbank has specialized in teaching technical writing and professional writing. His interests extend from composition and writing theory to environmental and nature writing. He has played a leadership role in developing and implementing the English Department’s teaching mentorship program.


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