Have you heard about Katrina Guarascio, the former Rio Ratchet Cleveland High School teacher and poet whose real name is S-A-T-A-N? Satan, I mean Guarascio wanted to make the classroom a safe place where students could express themselves freely. Can you believe that?
In her creative writing class, Satan-Guarascio asked her students to take a fairy tale or legend and rewrite it for our own enlightened, forgiving, tolerant, and compassionate times.
One of the kids in her class compared the story of Jesus, the loaves and fish in the Bible to Jesus handing out medical marijuana to patients today.
Satan must have suggested this response to the kid, because when this paper was read during class peer critique, another Godfearing and upstanding child went home and told his upstanding and Godfearing parents that Satan was teaching their child to think critically. There’s absolutely nothing God hates more than critical thinking. God says critical thinking is a hallmark of the evil one.
Yes, students should learn Godly things they will find useful in life, things that are as unpleasant, pragmatic, and as tension-filled as possible, practical information such as that found on the new state-required PARCC test. Here’s a question from the exam, so you can get an idea of how useful this will be to students just like the students in Ms. Satan-Guarascio class.
“Members of a crosscountry team run an obstacle course. The following table put together by God tells you their visible score matrices: 585948938593. Memorize this number. You will be given a slider to create your own number, which will serve as your password in life. If you forget the first number, you will have a heart attack. It may take sixty years to develop, but you will have a heart attack. You will die, and then you will be so very sorry. If you forget your password, you will drop out of school from boredom and anger. You will become a thug or a terrorist.”
That’s why these very holy, very righteous, very pious parents complained to the Rio Ratchet School Board that Satan-Guarascio was teaching their child that the classroom is a safe place where you can express yourself, when we all know damn well the classroom is a hostile, cold place where only the truly righteous and the truly strong survive.
The school board wanted to make sure that Satan-Guarascio got the message. She did, she resigned, and that’s how we treat teachers who don’t take responsibility for what their students think, and who are foolish enough to make the classroom a safe place to discover new ideas.