WiseGuys

December 04, 2014

By James Burbank

Some WiseGuys here in BurqueAlb are going to send UNM Ath-uh-letic Tzar Crawl Pebs $5 million dollars to turn the beloved Pit into one huge pizza pie.

The WisePizza will be thousands of sq. ft. and will feature a soft crust, anchovies, green chile, and pepperoni, extra cheese, please.

The new PizzaPit will stimulate fascination with UNM Biscuitball. To add to the game’s difficulty and ath-uh-letic excitement, all the players will now have to dribble through tomato sauce, slippin and slidin, covered with cheese. The full court press will be something to behold. And at the end of the every game, forklifts will cart the remains off to feed the grateful poor.

The WiseGuys will also have their name emblazoned on what was once the Pit. I’m told there are balloon payments out there somewhere floating over the Intnl. Balloon Fiesta Park. The WisenGuys will have a few years to shoot them down, so I’m sure they will work their doughy butts off to pop those little financial bubbles as they come due, because Athuhletic Caesar Crawl is waiting to press the foreclosure button.

Why is it that here in good old simple New Mexico, we see pizza scheme after pizza scheme come in here, make a big pie, and then leave us to clean up all the mess?

Some people say they are all half-baked, all these NM pizza deals, but that’s just more trash talk IMHO. I like pizza, and I’m really hoping the WiseGuys send me a free lifetime coupon to have as much of their pizza as I shall ever want. Of course then I will have to stop writing about them and their botulism-ridden, rat-infested excuse for pizza. Until then, I’m waiting, bitches.

(Photo of the Pit by Ken Lund / CC)

This piece was written by:

James Burbank

James Burbank has written and published over 200 articles for regional and national publications such as Reuters International News Service, The World & I Magazine, National Catholic Reporter, Farmer’s Almanac, Los Angeles Herald Examiner, La Opinion, New Mexico Magazine, Albuquerque Journal, Albuquerque Tribune. He is author of Retirement New Mexico, the best selling book published by New Mexico Magazine Press, now in its third edition. He is also author of Vanishing Lobo: the Mexican Wolf in the Southwest, published by Johnson Books.

As a professional writing consultant, he has written and edited publications, video and radio scripts, annual reports, and investment information for a wide variety of corporate clients. A Lecturer II for the Department of English, Burbank has specialized in teaching technical writing and professional writing. His interests extend from composition and writing theory to environmental and nature writing. He has played a leadership role in developing and implementing the English Department’s teaching mentorship program.