New Mexico Mercury

The naked truth about the on-line underwear caper

June 20, 2013

By James Burbank

I was absolutely taken aback when one of my many detractors told me in a recent e-mail “NOBODY CARES” that our distinguished gov. paid no Gross Receipts Tax on her on-line purchases. This individual, who shall forever remain nameless and faceless, advised me to in his words, “Get a life.” I refer, of course, to one of my previous pieces in which I tsk, tsked the illustrious governor of our state for not paying Gross Receipts Tax on her on-line underwear purchases. This shocking revelation was unveiled when inexplicably the governor’s private e-mails were stolen and subsequently unleashed on the public.

My critic shook his cybernetic head. “You just don’t get it, do you? The stolen e-mails controversy has nothing to do with Susana not paying 17 cents of local tax because she bought her undergarments on line and not here in New Mexico.”

After quite a good deal of weeping, sighing, and the gnashing of teeth, I finally had to agree—the On-line Underwear Caper had nothing to do with the governor’s evading GRT, though this still makes me boil and fume in rage during unguarded moments, say when I floss for twenty minutes and think things over.

I have it from the best of sources, Omar Ravenherst, to be exact. Susana Martinez hates Jamie Estrada’s hairdo. According to Martinez, Estrada has a “suspect character.” She immediately fired him when he worked for her gubernatorial campaign, though Jamie says he resigned.

No wonder there was a parting of the ways; Estrada had allegedly pilfered the governor’s underwear order email and sequestered it in a side account for who knows what reasons. Ravenherst was too busy on the computer to respond to my repeated queries asking him to justify the ways of Estrada to mere mortals such as moi.

I’ve got to admit, though, the governor is right on this matter. Estrada’s hair does kind of suck. First off, it’s the fact that he has hair at all that bothers me. Second, not only does he have hair, Estrada’s hair is luxuriant and dark. To emphasize this fact, he lets this sacred hair of his spring from the top of his head in apparently careless pompadour waves that are in truth very well managed but in your face.

Another thing—Jamie Estrada should never, ever smile. A grin is way over the top when placed beneath all that hair.

This piece was written by:

James Burbank

James Burbank has written and published over 200 articles for regional and national publications such as Reuters International News Service, The World & I Magazine, National Catholic Reporter, Farmer’s Almanac, Los Angeles Herald Examiner, La Opinion, New Mexico Magazine, Albuquerque Journal, Albuquerque Tribune. He is author of Retirement New Mexico, the best selling book published by New Mexico Magazine Press, now in its third edition. He is also author of Vanishing Lobo: the Mexican Wolf in the Southwest, published by Johnson Books.

As a professional writing consultant, he has written and edited publications, video and radio scripts, annual reports, and investment information for a wide variety of corporate clients. A Lecturer II for the Department of English, Burbank has specialized in teaching technical writing and professional writing. His interests extend from composition and writing theory to environmental and nature writing. He has played a leadership role in developing and implementing the English Department’s teaching mentorship program.