The very first thing we need to do is privatize public education. We have to act with haste. Thankfully, there’s a model we can follow. We’ve privatized our prisons, and just look at all the money we shook out for the tax payers even though, for some reason, it costs us more to run the prisons now than when the government managed the penal system, but never mind that. Facts are not important. Kids are!
The folks who run our corporate prisons, should run our corporate schools. Profit motive should be utmost in the minds of management, that and cost savings, oh yes, and efficiency and the bottom line. The goal for all educational initiatives henceforth shall be to create the ultimate instrument of academic measure, the Ubertest!
At whatever proficiency level, at whatever grade, at whatever school, Ubertest must be satiated. The children must feed the test. It’s as simple as that. The parents, as usual, will pay for the ritual sacrifice. If an individual child cannot propitiate Ubertest by filling in enough correct bubbles with number two pencils, avoiding stray marks of course, that child shall be consumed by the Great Test in a flash. We are currently deliberating if the grieving parents are due some small recompense for their sacrifice. Losing a child might be, you know, kind of inconvenient. Fifty dollars has been suggested.
Another thing, the inmates, I mean, the students will evaluate the teachers. Any teachers the students rate unfavorably, the students may eat.
November 25, 2013