Gary’s Underwear?

March 12, 2014

By James Burbank

I put my underwear on backwards this morning, and that’s why I’m for Gary King in his race to become Marquis de Nuevo M against the current Marquesa, Susana Hanna. You don’t really need to hear more about my wardrobe mistake, but you must hear about Gary’s spine-tingling campaign. You see, Gary is just like his dad.

I remember Gary’s father, Bruce, cruising through the old UNM SUB in his cowboy hat, gray suit, bolo tie and $300 boots. He was a cross between old granddad and Will Rodgers. He shook each and every hand, and he met everyone, whether you liked it or not.

He looked you in the eye, smiled, and said, “I’m Governor Bruce King, and who are you?”

And then Bruce listened. He scrunched up his face in a superlative effort to burn your identity into his brain, to make you feel you were the only person in the universe, and that you mattered, and that you would vote for Bruce King.

Bruce King never put his underwear on backwards, because he knew doing such a thing would be a gateway drug to indifference, and he would no longer care for all his constituents, he would no longer be able to remember all their names, and politics would be forever over. Let’s face it, who thinks about politics when you put your underwear on backwards? Perhaps they’re on inside out as well.

Bruce King thought that Marijuana is a gateway drug as well, and Bruce King’s son says he thinks the same way good old dad did. I love a candidate who can fly in the face of facts and go with what dad would go with despite any evidence to the contrary. That makes me cry. And that’s why I’m a Gary Guy.

This piece was written by:

James Burbank

James Burbank has written and published over 200 articles for regional and national publications such as Reuters International News Service, The World & I Magazine, National Catholic Reporter, Farmer’s Almanac, Los Angeles Herald Examiner, La Opinion, New Mexico Magazine, Albuquerque Journal, Albuquerque Tribune. He is author of Retirement New Mexico, the best selling book published by New Mexico Magazine Press, now in its third edition. He is also author of Vanishing Lobo: the Mexican Wolf in the Southwest, published by Johnson Books.

As a professional writing consultant, he has written and edited publications, video and radio scripts, annual reports, and investment information for a wide variety of corporate clients. A Lecturer II for the Department of English, Burbank has specialized in teaching technical writing and professional writing. His interests extend from composition and writing theory to environmental and nature writing. He has played a leadership role in developing and implementing the English Department’s teaching mentorship program.