Big foot and the tea party

May 17, 2013

By James Burbank

New Mexico paranormal investigator, journalist and filmmaker Tony Della Flora has heat-imaging evidence Big Foot has been hanging around in the Valles Caldera. Not many people know this, but Sasquatch is the Grand Poobah for New Mexico’s Tea Party and he’s really pissed off. It seems the IRS has been asking a lot of vague questions about the NM Tea Party regarding their 501 (c) (4) status.

Big Foot and his Tea Party friends want to edumuhcate New Mexicans about their ideas that are anti-government, anti-tax, anti-Obama, anti-immigration, anti-econ. stimulus, and anti-16th and 17th amendment. New Mexico’s Tea party wants to audit every family in New Mexico for constitutionality and purity. That’s why they can’t understand why the IRS wants to audit them about their non-profit status.

“All we want to do is to edumuhcate everyone, and we will never ever engage in political campaigning. Ideas—that’s what we’re all about,” says Sasquatch. Besides the idea thing, why is Big Foot so darned elusive? It’s difficult to get quotes from him, and he’s so irascible.

He’s mean, ‘cause he’s tired of pawing his way up to Dulce every month. He gets all his ideas from Dulce. Mr. Sasquatch meets up every week with Ayn Rand’s ghost and the Koch Brothers who have been financing a tunnel from their home office underneath Archuleta Mesa up to the Los Alamos labs.

Steve Pearce has even been spotted in his Hummer driving around Dulce muttering about transuranic waste. Steve wants to take nuclear waste from all over the world, stuff it down the Los Alamos/Dulce tunnel, load it up in big ol’ Trupact containers on the back of his Hum V and ship it down to the Waste Isolation Pilot Plant where Steve will create jobs, jobs, jobs.

This is what makes New Mexico great—the real news is so strange, we don’t need to resort to any paranormal stuff.

This piece was written by:

James Burbank

James Burbank has written and published over 200 articles for regional and national publications such as Reuters International News Service, The World & I Magazine, National Catholic Reporter, Farmer’s Almanac, Los Angeles Herald Examiner, La Opinion, New Mexico Magazine, Albuquerque Journal, Albuquerque Tribune. He is author of Retirement New Mexico, the best selling book published by New Mexico Magazine Press, now in its third edition. He is also author of Vanishing Lobo: the Mexican Wolf in the Southwest, published by Johnson Books.

As a professional writing consultant, he has written and edited publications, video and radio scripts, annual reports, and investment information for a wide variety of corporate clients. A Lecturer II for the Department of English, Burbank has specialized in teaching technical writing and professional writing. His interests extend from composition and writing theory to environmental and nature writing. He has played a leadership role in developing and implementing the English Department’s teaching mentorship program.